Emotions sucks. Crying sucks. I never cry or at least I didn’t used to until me and my boyfriend broke up. Thats when I became emotional, but this post isn’t about him. Unlike most couples, I am still really good friends with him. He’s one of my best friends. This post is about how much saying goodbye sucks. This is the second time saying goodbye to all my friends and it’s not getting any better.
I just got back from the Greene residence to say goodbye to Kdog. On the way, memories of Tay sitting in the passenger seat and Austin behind me came into my mind. Back when I used to drive them EVERYWHERE because they were noobcakes and didn’t have their drivers license. We used to do that every weekend, literally.
When I got to Kenny’s, Tay was in his drive-way getting ready to leave. We met inbetween both yards since the Greene and the Vieras live right next to each other. He gave me this big hug and he talked to me while we embraced. Tay and I have always been the closest of friends out of all the dudes I am friends with. Even though he lives 10 mins away from me in the city, I still hardly see him. Once maybe twice a week. But recently, we’ve been going on for weeks without seeing each other. As we embraced which seemed liked forever cause he kept talking, he told me that we will hang out more and told me not to worry. I started to cry into his shoulder, thankfully he didn’t notice. I just tried not talking as much as possible because I know if I did, my voice would crack and thats just a red flag right there. In my head, I had to pull it together. 1. I hate crying. I think its so stupid. 2. I had to see Kenny still. 3. Crying is for the weak hearted (which sadly, I think I’m becoming). After the hug broke, I hid my face from the garage light so he wouldn’t see the tears I shed. I said bye to his family and went to Kdogs.
Stevie opened the door. What a champ. Kenny came to the door shortly after and grabbed me into a hug. In my head i was SCREAMING dont cry, dont cry. Chilled there for a bit, talked to his family, caught up a bit, and then kdog walked me to my car. The last hug goodbye almost killed me. Idk if Kenny could see it in my face, I just hope he didn’t. I really tried my best to not cry in front of him. I dont like crying in front of anyone.
Driving home, everything flashed in my head. Memories of everyone when we hung out, robert hunter days when Austin and Tay had really long hair and Jay and Kenny had really short hair. The list goes on. I really have awesome friends. I hate the fact that it took me this long to realize how much they meant to me. It took all of them to leave for me to realize how each and every single one of them is big a part of my life. Thankfully, I didn’t have to say bye to ALL my friends today. That would have been rough.
Wednesday, Nov. 24, was my birthday. It was one of my favorite birthdays yet. Usually, I can’t remember my birthdays cause they are just so boring except my sweet 16 which was epic. Other than that, this birthday was deffinetly one I will remember especially since it lasted for about a week. It started thursday, the night of the HP premiere and ended on my real birthday, 6 days later.
Tuesday, I hung out with Kenny aka Kdog as soon as I got home from college. Hung out in his garage and he jammed while I rocked out. Mike came by for a little bit and it was chill. Late that night, hung out with Ktak, Jacob and Katie. It was a great hugging fest, I absolutely loved it. As soon as it hit midnight, my phone started freaking out because people were saying Happy Birthday. I pretty much passed out though; we all did. I woke up to their bright, shiny faces and then went out to breakfast with them and Ada <3. As you can see, it was a great start to my birthday. After breakfast, we all went to Central to visit old teachers and see some cool kids who still go to high school. Walking the halls made me miss everything about high school. It reminded me of the crowded hallways where you basically had to push your way through people to get to class on time. Walking into classrooms with kids sitting, starring at me made me feel so old, it was SO weird. Not long ago, I was in the very same position, but now I am in crappy college. Wiki wiki?
Later that night, Austin Sutch and his awesome familly threw me a great fancy dinner filled with Aikou, my favorite. They’re an awesome family that’s for sure and Austin is one of my best friends. We got all dressed up, dudes in dress shirts and jackets, and girls in dresses and boots. It was a perfect night. Everyone was there and it made me so happy. I’ve missed everyone so much and hanging out made me miss them even more even though they were right in front of me. It was good to know that no one really changed. We acted the same way, we talked the same way, and shared the same jokes. I love my friends. All of them. My new ones and my old ones.
Its funny how other groups of friends have so much drama dealing with things such as you slept with my boyfriend or you hooked up with so and so, but not my friends. I think we are the one group that is drama free and it is sooo great.
This weekend was probaby the best birthday weekend. I can’t really remember what I did for my birthday last year. Most of my birthdays are a blur in my mind except my sweet 16. So I actually stayed up in NYC this weekend just so I could celebrate with my Pace friends here. It was quite a weekend I must say.
Thursday was the Harry Potter premiere and I pretty much balled ( I am going to refrain to say why because people that may read this might not have seen the movie and you should if you haven’t). Friday, we went to a drag queen resturant and our bill came to $385 dollars. Yeah…was not worth it, but we had some fun. Saturday, Drew and Agata came down. Probably the best day out of the weekend because they came and we went clubbin’ and now my thigh hurts. Cool beans. But really, I loved the fact that I had Drew, Bridget and, Agata here with me. They’re some of my really good friends and the fact that they came all the way up hurrr makes them the bestest, espeiclly for my birthday. Fo Realz. (Agata, I know you read this shit so you better appreciate it) Sunday, I had to take everyone to port authority/penn so that they could go back. I wished Drew and Agata could have just kidnapped me and taken me home, but that wish did not come true.
College is getting more and more tolerable and enjoyable for some reason. I’m starting to question if I will transfer this year. I’m giving Pace a whole year before, but I am stil applying to Rutgers. I miss home and theres a part of me feeling so guilty that I have not been able to really talk to my Nana. Everytime she calls, I had to end the converstation quickly because I was on my way out, but at some point I have to let go right? Tomorrow I go home for Thanksgiving. I am SO FRIGGEN excited to see the dudes and everyone else that is going to be home. I am going to feel so relaxed and at peace with everyone and the fact that we are all at home.
I’ve been watching Harry Poter since Sunday and I have 2 more movies to watch. Thursday at 12:01 am, a chapter in my life will be half over. At least I can say I attended the HP premiere which is probably the only pros for living in the city. I got to see Daniel Radcliff, Emma Watson, and Tom Felton so pretty much I am set. This post is really bleh cause I honestly haven’t gotten any sleep really. I have been doing SOOO much.
College is sooo much better now. I have met so many awesome people and I am really starting to enjoy it. I’m starting to really appreciate the city for what it is and all its glory. The friends I have made here, I absolutely love, especially since they understand my obsession for HP. Since this is an HP blog, I just want to put in here what I thought of while watching HP while looking outside the lounge window. I randomly just spoke out during the movie and was like, what would it be like if we just saw people on broomsticks flying passed our window…how insane would be?…of course I got looks like I was crazy, but I know they understand.
Well, back to the Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.
Back at school. sighhhhhh. I hate it here. Just like the song by Wilco. okay…maybe I dont hate it here, but compared to home, it is just not the place. I came back to school and immediately went to Corinn’s room where Caitlyn and Ben were. Chilled there, talked, the usual. I liked it. Thankfully Caitlyn and I are on the same page. She lives 40 mins away from me which I’m referring to back in jerz and we are both hopefully transferring. MAYBE.
This weekend was pretty sick. One thing I have learned is that I need to stop getting in fights at concerts. Like really. Bridget and I got into a fight with 8…YES. I said EIGHT dudes who could not move us. Might I add, Bridget and I way like 100 pounds and they could not move us at all. Heres the story…So Bridget and I were front row against the rail for Saves the Day, Say Anything, and Motion City Soundtrack. We got there early and I was sooo happy that we got front row. Bridget was on my left and another girl who goes to North Eastern was on my right. This guy behind me stuck his arm between the me and the girl to my right so I knew he was trying to get in. I turned to Bridget and was like fuck no. Him and his 8 friends plus this one fat chick tried SO HARD to push me and Bridget down so they can squeeze through. Because Bridget and I did not even move an inch no matter how hard they tried as a group, they started to get pissed. One guy called me a “fat bitch” because he could not move me. I look at him and laughed in his face. “Yeah I’m a fat bitch. I wiegh 100 pounds..I’m so fat. You’re just upset that you and your friends are getting wrecked by two girls.” What I said was not as clean as what I just typed out, but you get the jist. I hate people like that. He could not even come up with a come back besides calling me fat. What an idiot.
In other news, the mischief Bridget and I caused was a success. We post-it one of my good friends car at 2:30 am. The only thing I’m bummed about is that the Harry Potter quotes we wrote on them washed off in the rain. Oh well. He enjoyed it for the most part I think. I wish we seran wrapped it though. I’m too much of a wuss to have done it cause I couldn’t guess if he would be pissed or if the slight chance one of his rents had to use his car, I would have felt SO bad if they had to un seran wrap the car.
The rest of the weekend was swell. Slept. Ate. Music. Friends. Austin came home too. Oh and Jimmy. All went well. Two weeks till Thanksgiving break and everything will be back to normal… well at least for 4 days :( weh
I.am.HOME. The best place in the world. I am in my bed watching the Little Vampire. Yes, I am aware its for little kids and I turn 19 in umm…19 days? I.am.a.kid. I am immature, I laugh at the word penis and titties anddddd i make a face of disgust when the dudes make me watch porn with them. So back to what I really meant to say here… It feels great to take a shower in my bath tub and not have to wear flip flops. Bridget is home tooooo! I am pretty sure attacking each other when we see each other won’t get old. I mean being away from your best friend is hard. At least for us it is cause we spend EVERY WAKING MOMENT TOGETHER. We’d wake up, text each other, and it would usually end up me going to her house to pick her up to go to wawa for lunch. This is my life and I could not be any happier.
So tonight….Bridget picked me up and we went to ….Wawa…DUH. Saw some central kids that I recognized us from ski club since the kid used to freaking talk to us all the time just cause we were upper classman. ughhh. (Oh and I got ALL my work done that is due for monday before Bridget came and got me. So proud of myself.) Okay so after wawa, Bridget and I cruised. We have this house that we are planning to buy when we are out or half way through college. Its a pretty EPIC house. It’s so us and we are planning to have shows in this kind of somewhat of a barn, separate from the house. Like I said this house is EPIC and its going to be even more epic once we get it. After all of that we did more cruising and catching up. THEN we caused some mischief but not really. The person we caused mischief to is most likely going to be like “okay..um..cool.” and that will be the end of it. Oh well, it was fun at the time.
Apparently I left school and people started looking for me. Thats a first. I guess now that I have friends who I actually hang out with, they are going to actually make me stay at school now. yeah…..idk if that is going to happen. TOMORROW i see Motion City Soundtrack, Say Anything, and SAVES THE DAY! sooooooooo unbelieveably STOKED. It’s such a well packed show and I am in LOVE with Say Anything. I know though that during “Alive with a Glory of Love,” all I will picture is my friend Kenny singing on stage with Boy Wear Backpacks…Oh how i miss those days.
Well its 3:30 am….I should go to bed….now….goodnight moon.
I’ve been wanting to write on this thing for so long. My 19 page biology paper consumed my life for the passed 3 days. Now I have 24 hours to live until i have biology tomorrow and get another paper to do -____-. Positive aspect is that I get to go home tomorrow after class. Then the next day, I get to see Saves the Day and Say Anything with Bridget! Motion City Soundtrack is headlining but they got to poppy for my liking. This weekend is going to rock hard.
Halloween on the other hand was awesome. If I’m not in the city next year, I’ll make an effort to come down for halloween. It is just a night you do not want to miss here in the city. I dressed in my zombie chic self since Friday. I guess you can consider it pre-gaming for halloween? or Not. Whatever. I feel like things are going by so fast. This weekend surprisingly blew by sooo fast and was so much fun. Who would have thought that actually staying at college would be fun. Especially my college. I also feel like I have many more friends? The reason for this may be because I do. Lawl. I spend much more time on the floor below me than my own floor. The people on the 9th floor are just that much cooler I guess.
Did I mention how much I miss my friends yet? I feel like thats a constant theme in all of my blogs. Its true. I miss them. But I got an AWESOME most WOnderful call last night that was unexpected from one of the bros. I feel like talking to them makes me sane; hearing their voice and talking to them for awhile just brings me back to my happy place or sanctuary. Then one of them today wanted to come up and visit me and Tay, but of course Tay is busy. What a bummer, but I have gotten use to the fact that Tay is busy. He wants to become a director so thats A LOT of work to do. Especially trying to get your name out there. Ill see them all soon. 3 weeks till Thanksgiving, 3 weeks till my birthday….
i dont even want to think about my birthday. Thinking about my birthday makes me so depressed. I mean, who wants to turn 19 ? I don’t; thats for sure.